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Review Snake Eater (1989): Lorenzo Lamas is the only good thing about this horrendous film!

genre: action

All I wanted was some brainless and enjoyable action. What I got was brainless alright. But enjoyable? Think again.

If it weren't for the super charming Lorenzo Lamas I would have given up watching the film in a heartbeat. In the opening scene which is sexy and hilarious at the same time we see Lamas do something that belongs in a porn film. The way Lorenzo handles this scene is nothing short of amazing. Although it also raises the question why Lorenzo thought this film would be a good career decision. Because what isn't wrong with this film? Actually what is this film? Who is it made for? At one hand it seems to aim at action aficionados like me who basically ate up most of the Eighties action flicks. On the other hand it makes a mockery out of those films and their fans since Snake Eater doesn't offer anything that comes close to what the majority of Eighties action flicks would be offering. Lorenzo as Soldier might be charming but as a hero he probably is incredibly ineffective. He is supposed to be this super elite marine (Special Forces) who called themselves snake eaters. And if this term sounds familiar there is this little videogame called Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater which also is about the same kind of super elite soldier named (Naked) Snake who eats snakes to survive. In any case there is not a single thing in this film that shows us how good of a marine he is. He mostly gets his ass kicked and yet at the beginning and the end it ends with him coming on top for some reason. Whether the comedy was intentional or this film should be seen as a parody it's not good or fun by any means. In fact a lot of what is displayed on screen is atrocious to watch. I mean the inbred rednecks are easily one of the most despicable human beings ever put on the screen and yet I could hardly take them seriously since all of them were portrayed like they were the villains is an episode of the Dukes of Hazard. The one thing that could have saved this film was the action. But let's just say that the action is immensely poorly choreographed and not exciting one bit. 

The fact that this film has gotten two sequels is beyond me. And I hate them for it because now I am forced to check those out as well. Thanks George Erschbamer. Who? Exactly. 

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