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Review Dracula: The Dark Prince a.k.a. Dracula The Prince of Darkness (2013): Please don't ever watch this!

genre: action, adventure, fantasy

Oh dear, where to begin. Sometimes you don't doubt the good intentions of film makers. You can almost guess what kind of movie they were trying to make. And they probably thought that they had come close. In particular director Pearry Reginald Theo must be suffering from delusions of grandeur because why else would someone dare to attach his name to this incredible poorly done project. 

You would not know it right from the start since the intro sequence is done in such a way that it tricks you into believing that this film might be any good. Mind you, I already had a deep suspicion it would not be but I like to be pleasantly surprised so I was bracing myself to be disappointed thoroughly entertained by it's badness. Unfortunately Dracula: The Dark Prince is so bad that no amount of fun can be had even if you do everything in your power to make that happen. There simply is no substance or magic in this universe that will be able to do that. Do I really need to get into how bad this is? Ok, just take a look at the picture underneath.

Could somebody please return my real nose?

This is Jon Voight as Van Helsing. No, he is not meant to be the older character named Abraham van Helsing. He really is supposed to be the badass vampire hunter portrayed by Hugh Jackman. Or at least that is what I think director Pearry had in his mind. Can you imagine Jon fighting off vampires stylishly? The action is horrendous. It has no choreography whatsoever. You see some guys pretending to hit people and then these people miraculously fall to their deaths. That must have been some chi that got released by them. Since the actors failed to make it look like the swords were used with force. Some of them could not even be bothered swinging their weapons. Then the special effects. I think most of the budget went into the fancy intro because there barely is any noteworthy eye candy. Apart from actor Luke Roberts, Kelly Wenham and Holly Earl. 

Now it is almost admirable how this film does try to tell the tragic tale of Bram Stoker's Dracula. Where Dracula is not really seen as the villain but the hero. If only Pearry would have remained consistent with this because at one point he forgets. Still I could have appreciated it more if truly something compelling had been done with it. I don't know maybe he could have gone over the top and added some eroticism into the mix. Or perhaps showed Dracula transforming into whatever. I feel sorry for Luke Roberts. It must be real hard to be the only one in film history to portray one of the weakest Dracula's ever. He is just a guy with some fancy makeup and the only time we get a hint of his power is when he mentions to one of his minions how he had made him a force to be reckoned with. What force? 

I think I already said too much. Please don't ever watch this. It is a gigantic time of waste. 

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