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Review Calendar Girls Murders (1984 TV): How can you go wrong with a main character called Dan Stoner?

genre: thriller, crime

You can't get more straightforward with a title like this. No chance of mistaking this for some kind of masterpiece. Or is there?

Nah, I am just messing with you. The only reason I was checking this out since sometimes thrillers like these can be very pleasurable to watch. And actually for the most part it is quite decent. It's how it ends where you realize you just wasted a good 90 minutes of your life. Calendar Girl Murders has a decent cast. You have Tom Skerritt as the seasoned cop Dan Stoner who is reluctant to be one but somehow always gets suckered back into his job because of his manipulative chief. I really fail to see how these dynamics are functional to the plot but it was nice to see anyway. Then you have Robert Culp as the big shot who is one of the first people you suspect for killing the women. And you have Sharon Stone who looks absolutely gorgeous. Doesn't she always? Whatever happened to her? But there are many more people and therefore red herrings which for the viewer is a good thing. If only they would have put a little more effort into building up the suspense and tension. The murders happen very quickly and bloodless. And for some reason most of the characters don't seem to be bothered by these murders too much and that simply detracts from taking the film seriously somewhat. If it weren't for the dependable actors this simply would be trash and a sleaze fest (without nudity. Hang on? Is that even possible? Yes, it is). Since this is a film produced for television the skimpy outfits and nudity is almost non existent but the calendar girls certainly are nice to look at plus they do their best to be very seductive. Or are my hormones speaking on my behalf? (Before I get accused of being misogynistic, I am joking of course.) 

Then you find out who the killer is. And I was like, yeah so? What about the motive? Surely there must be an incredible compelling reason behind all of this? And the answer ladies and gentlemen, no there is no good reason why you have wasted your time for 90 minutes. In the end it turns out that Calendar Girl Murder is as generic as they come and it is only digestible because of the solid cast and decent acting. Other than that there is nothing worth your while. Look maybe I am being a little too harsh. It is one of those movies that you could tolerate very late at night right before you go to sleep. Only when you do decide to watching this keep your expectations low, very low, very very very low.

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