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Review Nurse 3D: I know what you are thinking. Nurses in sexy uniforms. How can that NOT be fun? Trust me it's not.

genre: thriller, horror




Either Nurse 3D is a satirical social statement against sexual harassment gone haywire or it simply is a male sexual fantasy that tries to be smart and clever without actually offering something to substantiate that. 

Right from the introductory scenes it's obvious that we are not dealing with a real world. I mean if it was then I would gladly would want to go to the All Saints Hospital where all the nurses are dressed in the sexiest uniforms and apparently very happily join in on the sexual advances made on them by the predominantly male doctors. Ah come on, don't give me that look. Yes, I can sense the disgust from all the way here. Don't be. In all seriousness Nurse 3D is far from erotic or titillating. It is too sleazy, campy and disconnected to stimulate pleasure. More likely it will do the exact opposite. Almost as if this film wants to be therapeutic. To make you confront you with some sexual fantasies head on and show you that nothing good can come of it by pursuing them. 

The one person to instigate dislike and hate is our main character named Abby Russel played by Paz de la Huerta. I only know her from Boardwalk Empire and it seems to me she is very limited as an actress and plays the same role over and over again. Or it truly is coincidental that in both Boardwalk Empire and Nurse 3D she is walking around naked and playing the slutty type whenever she can. Mind you I was willing to give her the benefit of a doubt when it came to her acting and hoped for some brilliance along the way. But then soon I realized that Paz will never ever be able to deliver anything good because of her voice, the way she talks and carries herself. She talks like she is intoxicated all the time. Even with her best intentions it is not something that you can remedy unless there will be surgical procedures for that in future. Is her voice that distracting though? Yes, it is. Apart from the occasional grunts and screams her dialogue delivery pretty much stays the same throughout. The same goes for how she presents herself on camera. She often goes out of her way to look as slutty as possible. To be honest that kinda does work in favour of the character she is meant to be portraying. And her character is even given a decent background story that almost could make you feel sympathetic and apologetic towards her. If it weren't for the fact that by the end of the movie you don't really care about any of the characters in this film except maybe for the black nurse who was the only funny person around. Believe it or not despite the gore, the violence and the nudity Nurse 3D is a little boring. The film that started decent enough already is losing steam after thirty minutes or so. It is at this time that it also becomes incredibly predictable. For a film that tries to be edgy there were little to no surprises to speak off. Films like these have to be tongue in cheek. It is then when the sleaziness becomes functional. But also you need to be clever and play around with conventions so that you can misdirect people. I am not asking for a lot when it comes to these campy B Horror movies. Although I do expect to have fun which you usually can provide with a healthy dose of humour which sadly is missing in Nurse 3D.

No doubt people will ignore my warning and want to check out the sexy nurses but please don't Nurse 3D is without a doubt a giant waste of your time. 



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