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Review The Windmill a.k.a. The Windmill Massacre (2016): You will never ever travel in a group again!

genre: horror, slasher







The Windmill is a Dutch horror film where everyone speaks English because the majority of the characters are supposed to be foreigners who either just have come to live and work in The Netherlands or they are there on holiday. At leasts that is what they want you to believe. Because each of those foreigners have their own reasons for being in the low lands. And wouldn't you know it? All of these people somehow magically end up in the same travel group to explore all the beauty Holland has to offer. How could this possibly go wrong?

Director Nick Jongerius seems to be very ambitious because he goes out of his way to create a new monster a la Jason or Freddy Krueger. In hindsight I can appreciate the effort. But in order to make an effective slasher / horror film you do have to follow certain rules of the genre which he fails to do. You need more than building up ferry tales and myths. Those stories certainly are important however if you don't combine them with the basic horror elements then you will have very little. 

The Windmill, ladies and gentlemen, is not creepy nor scary. Not once will you be frightened. Most of the events are incredibly laughable. Unimaginative kills, boring monster and annoying characters to boot. It's been a long time that I was so frustrated by the actions of characters in a horror film. Not once do they use reason or logic. But maybe that can be forgiven since they probably are stressed and scared of being stuck in the middle of nowhere. However this doesn't mean they should not be communicating with each other. Most of them just sit and wait for someone to speak up. And if someone does open their mouth they just complain and moan and don't do anything constructive. I swear when one group member informs them something bad has happened they all stay in their place and choose to believe the news bringer is insane. Because a man claiming to be a doctor said so. A man they don't know and never have seen before. I don't know about you but if I was stuck with a bunch of people who I didn't know I would not trust any of them. Unless my instincts would tell me they are to be trusted. Even then I would make sure that none of them would leave my sight. And these people wander of like they have no care in the world.

I am used to stupid people in these kinds of films. In fact often I am rooting for the killer or monster to slay these people as bloody and gory as possible. It's what adds to the fun factor. Sure there is some blood and some gore. But never to a level where you will get shocked or surprised. It's all so painfully predictable and boring. You really have to bring your A game when it comes to killing people on screen. Be creative, make it funny or real tragic. While there is some tragedy it never hits you in the heart. It's just there to move the film along and no effort has been made to give these characters the meat they needed. Visually the film doesn't look that bad. And even plot wise it's a step up on most of Dutch horror films. Not that it says something since The Netherlands doesn't make that many horror films. But why oh why did you forget to add tension and suspense Jongerius? It's the one element that can redeem all the badness. If you would have put me on the edge of the seat and had put some dread into me I would have applauded your work. Now I am disappointed. 

The Windmill could have been a great slasher. Instead it's a very poor one. It fails to meet the basics of horror 101 and that can never be overlooked or forgiven. To me this film was a huge waste of my time. Well, apart from actor Bart Klever as Abe. He was the only one who showed the right approach. Only it's not enough to make you sit through this entire film. 





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